Poor Old Auntie

Dearest Auntie,

It has come to my attention that, in a sad attempt to keep up with the times, you have created this blog to share our correspondence with the world. In theory, this is all well and good, but I question your curious decision to kick things off with postings from our distant past.

Alice has been living in New York for seven years now, her career blazing as well as her social life. Is Auntie perhaps trying to diminish Alice's successes by reminding her of her humble beginnings? That seems a bit sad and desperate, no? Perhaps Auntie needs to make an effort to live in the present, no matter how tragic and desolate her current life may be.

By the way, I received the Cotswolds Life magazine you sent me with your breathless note that your picture could be found inside. And, indeed, after several flip-throughs I was able to locate the tiny, little image containing your maniacally grinning visage. Isn't Auntie clever to have thrust herself in front of an unsuspecting photographer. But I suppose this is an exciting moment for you, so... well... bless.

Alice's photo is sure to be published very soon in some truly high-end magazines as I shall be attending a wedding reception for a major American TV and film star later this month. I believe I mentioned this to you when I visited you last? Obviously, I shall not be including any specific dates or locations in this correspondence as I can just imagine Auntie barreling through Heathrow and onto some budget airline headed for New York in hopes of waddling past the velvet rope and crashing said affair. You know how you can be.

In any case, let's try to live in the present, shall we? Please write soon and tell me all about your gorgeous life. Has Auntie started her new job yet? What was it again? Something to do with writing newsletters for the circus?

Alice