Alice and Auntie

Oh. It's alive.

How nice to hear from you, Auntie. Given your lengthy silence, one's first assumption was that you had eaten yourself to death. No? Still hugely fat, but still alive, are we?

One's second guess was that you had been murdered by gypsies after some tawdry roadside sexcapade. But even gypsies have some standards -- presumably -- so perhaps not?

Lastly, your correspondence might have simply been interrupted due to a sudden and unfortunate incarceration. This, incidentally, would be a very rational third guess. Jail. All those who know her are very aware of Auntie's sticky fingers. Totally plausible.

Regardless of Auntie's tragic circumstances, it is highly amusing, if a wee bit sad, to hear her bleat on endlessly about her "social standing" with the country set. Mmmmhm. One can only imagine the subtlety with which the locals tolerate, endure and dismiss her! Poor thing. Certainly she dances, she moos, she preens and she offends with great abandon at all public functions. The heart sinks!

So, will Auntie write again (???) and add to the magic of this gorgeous blog, or will she cave under the weight of her own gloom, self-consciousness and self-loathing? The public awaits. But can the old woman really deliver?

Alice