Big Fish, Small Pond

Dear Auntie,

How wonderful to hear that your wordy prose has finally found its way into public print. I've often thought how quaint the concept of the "Letter to the Editor" section truly is. 'Tis a marvelous receptacle for amateur scribes in which they may bray and squawk freely as if they were actually writers. And given the circulation of said publication, you must be curling your toes in delight to think that dozens of people may be scanning past your words in search of more substantial content.

I do hope you continue to find "success" in that tiny town which seems so very well-suited to your tiny mind. What could be next, I wonder? Will Auntie actually make friends with some unsuspecting local? I do hope so. I worry about you, all alone out there, with nothing but that terrifying inner monologue of yours to keep you company.

Regarding the celebrity wedding party I recently attended, it was really quite a lovely affair. And your little joke about Alice being on the wait staff was a terrific attempt at humor. In fact, I was seated amidst a sea of celebrities and served a most delightful dinner prepared by none other than Mario Batali. (A very famous chef, Dearie, though I wouldn't expect you to know that.) Ever so pleasant to find oneself in one's true element, I must say.

In other news, Alice continues to make great strides on the professional front. Just yesterday, I was at the helm of a series of screen tests for a new television spot being developed. I graciously auditioned five editors of a prestigious website who will be writing the pieces. Of course, having no onscreen experience to speak of, they were all atrocious, as I knew they would be. Hence, after their departure, I casually mentioned that perhaps Alice might give it a go and do a test just for fun. Naturally, my performance dazzled the crew and the barrage of compliments was unending. Just a few hours later, the CEO stopped by to review the tapes, was thoroughly delighted and declared that Alice should be the star of this new production. Like clockwork, it was! I felt like Bridget Jones, but without the weight problem!

I'm off now for a glamorous dinner and night on the town with my dear friend Frank. We always have great fun exploring wonderful new restaurants and nightclubs in the twinkling glow of Manhattan. So very different from my visit with you when we ended up getting Chinese take away TWO nights in a row.

Toodles!

Alice