Fat Fingers

Oh Auntie,

The typos your fat sausage fingers create leave me chuckling in delight! Could you be any more clumsy or feckless?

"The sheet weight of my specialness... "????

Yes, darling, your magic can surely be weighed by the heftiness of the skid marks you leave on your sheets. Your big, country poo-skids are indeed the measure of your "specialness." You really make it all too easy for me.

But I mustn't make fun of the old and disoriented. That would be unseemly. I'm sure your little typo was accidental and that the public event in the park that you attended for the "world renowned composer" was wildly exclusive. How was Yanni? Were the flute solos thrilling?

And as for your rude remarks regarding "Frank", he is a true friend, free of charge. Unlike Auntie, love comes to Alice free of charge. That is possible, you know, at least for the slim.

I must say, I'm concerned that you are becoming defensive and possibly delusional. You know I love and adore you, but it's really not dignified to misrepresent one's stumbles into the park as VIP invitations, is it? Don't you think our readers will see through that? I think they will.

I am pleased that you are leaving the couch, Auntie, but please scale back on the transparent lies and scatalogical references. No one wants to hear about your sheets.

I wish you love,

Alice